T.G.I.F

I can't tell you how glad I am it's Friday. I am just totally whipped today. I've worked out every day this week averaging at least 4 miles a day. WOW!! I'm trying to lose some more weight before I go to the beach in a month. :) You know us girls.. got to look our best. :)

It's been a good week though. We've just been hanging out doing our same old thing.

I am working on a few areas in my spiritual life right now. God has really been pointing some things out to me this week that need my attention. Some things that have caused pain to me in the past that I'm now understanding and trying to actually forgive myself for. For those of you that know me, you know that I've struggled a long time with letting some things go from my past and even though I have come to a point of accepting, forgiving, and letting go there are still some life lessons there that I need to take with me into my day to day life. And, they are good lessons. Lessons that are making me a better wife, a better mother and just a better person. But, we all know how it works. Satan sees that I'm trying to move forward and he tries everything he possibly can to make me go 4 steps backward. And, it is a constant up hill battle. This particular week he has been bringing Renee Grace to my mind and making me feel so bad about the situation with her.

For those of you that don't know about Renee Grace, go back and read these 2 entries below.

http://courtney-inhishands.blogspot.com/2007/07/soooo-lost.html

http://courtney-inhishands.blogspot.com/2007/08/picture-of-renee-grace.html

(You'll have to cut and paste the web address in the web bar. I couldn't figure out how to get it where you could just click it here) :) I'm not too internet smart. :)

I can't tell you the amount of times I have cried and hurt over Renee's death. Yes, I feel like my own child has been torn from me and there is nothing I can do about it. And, as soon as I come to a point of accepting her death and knowing that God is ultimately in control of all things. Satan comes back and begins slapping me around with all kinds of emotions and thoughts that are not right, and they are emotions and thoughts that my God doesn't want me to feel because the matter is settled.

It's just so frustrating at times. And, it wears me out emotionally. I would do anything in this world to have Renee back in my arms, but that wasn't part of the plan God had for my life. He allowed her to come in my life for a season and even though I never held her or saw her face to face, she will forever be mine, my little girl that I dearly love. And, I know one day I'll see her in Heaven and be able to give her all the love I wish I could have given her here. But, until then I'll carry her memory with me and trust that God knows what He is doing and only has my best interest in mind. I do take joy in knowing that she is healed now and is able to run around and play like normal kids do! And, I know Jesus is taking care of her and loving on her each and every day and that is just very awesome to think about.